Toxic Positivity: Why It’s Harmful and What to Do Instead

We’ve all heard it before—“Just stay positive,” “Good vibes only,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” While these phrases may be well-intentioned, they can often do more harm than good. This is known as toxic positivity—the belief that we should only focus on positive emotions and ignore anything that feels difficult, sad, or uncomfortable.

Toxic positivity may sound harmless, but it can prevent real emotional healing and damage mental health. Let’s take a closer look at what it is, why it’s harmful, and what we can do instead to support ourselves and others in a healthier way.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity is the pressure to appear happy or optimistic at all times, even when you’re going through something painful or challenging. It encourages people to suppress negative emotions and put on a “happy face,” no matter what they’re really feeling inside.

This doesn’t mean that positivity itself is bad. Healthy positivity allows room for struggle while still holding hope. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, denies the full range of human emotion.

Examples of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity often shows up in everyday conversations. Here are some common examples:

• “Everything happens for a reason” (after someone shares a loss)
  
• “Just look on the bright side” (when someone expresses sadness)
  
• “It could be worse” (when someone talks about a hard experience)
  
• “Don’t be so negative” (when someone voices worry or fear)

While these responses may seem comforting, they often silence people and minimize their pain.

Why Is Toxic Positivity Harmful?

Suppressing negative emotions doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, it can make things worse over time. Let’s look at how toxic positivity impacts mental health.

1. It Dismisses Real Emotions

When someone is hurting, hearing “Just be positive” can feel like their pain doesn’t matter. This creates emotional disconnection and can make a person feel misunderstood or invisible.

A 2018 study in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who avoid negative emotions tend to have lower life satisfaction and higher levels of depression ¹.

2. It Encourages Emotional Suppression

Ignoring sadness, anger, or fear doesn’t heal them—it buries them. Over time, this can lead to emotional numbness, anxiety, or even physical symptoms.

Research from the University of Texas shows that suppressing emotions can increase stress and weaken the immune system ².

3. It Prevents True Healing

Healing happens when we process emotions—not when we avoid them. By forcing positivity, we block the natural process of grief, growth, and emotional release.

4. It Creates Shame Around Normal Feelings

Toxic positivity can make people feel ashamed for not being “happy enough.” They may believe something is wrong with them for feeling sad, tired, or anxious—which are all normal human experiences.

How to Spot Toxic Positivity in Yourself

We often use toxic positivity on ourselves without even realizing it. Here are signs to look out for:

• You tell yourself to “get over it” when you’re upset
  
• You avoid uncomfortable conversations or feelings
  
• You feel guilty for not being cheerful all the time
  
• You downplay your own struggles by saying “others have it worse”

Being positive isn’t wrong—but being honest with yourself is even more important.

What to Do Instead: Practicing Emotional Honesty

The antidote to toxic positivity is emotional honesty and validation. This means making space for all emotions—not just the pleasant ones.

Here are healthier ways to respond to yourself and others:

1. Acknowledge All Emotions

Instead of avoiding hard feelings, name them. Say, “I feel sad,” “I feel scared,” or “This is painful.” Naming emotions reduces their intensity and brings clarity.

Dr. Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, calls this practice “Name it to tame it”—acknowledging emotions to soothe the brain ³.

2. Replace Positivity with Compassion

Try saying:

• “I’m here for you.”
  
• “That sounds really hard.”
  
• “It’s okay to feel upset.”
  
• “You don’t have to pretend to be okay.”

These responses validate feelings and create emotional safety.

3. Hold Space, Not Solutions

You don’t need to fix someone’s pain. Often, just sitting with them and listening is more powerful than any advice.

4. Balance Hope with Truth

It’s okay to encourage hope—but not at the cost of honesty. You can say:

• “This is really difficult, and I believe in your strength.”
  
• “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m with you.”
  
• “You’re allowed to feel this way—and you’re not alone.”

5. Practice Self-Validation

Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend. Instead of “I shouldn’t feel this way,” try:

• “It makes sense that I feel this.”
  
• “I’m doing the best I can right now.”
  
• “I deserve compassion, even when I’m struggling.”

Final Thoughts

Toxic positivity teaches us to mask our pain—but healing begins when we allow ourselves to feel fully and honestly. True emotional health isn’t about being happy all the time. It’s about being authentic, kind to yourself, and present with your emotions—no matter what they are.

You’re allowed to feel joy and sorrow. You’re allowed to cry and smile in the same day. You’re allowed to be human.

So next time you’re tempted to slap on a “positive vibes only” sticker, pause and ask: What do I really need right now? A kind word? A safe space? A good cry?

That’s where real healing begins.

References

1. Bastian, B., et al. (2018). The Psychology of (In)Security: How Positive Emotions Can Become Counterproductive. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 114(1), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000144 ↩
   
2. Pennebaker, J. W., & Susman, J. R. (1988). Disclosure of traumas and psychosomatic processes. Social Science & Medicine, 26(3), 327–332. https://doi.org/10.1016/0277-9536(88)90397-8 ↩
   
3. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Random House. ↩